not a pipe

Dear Yulegoat

Dear Yuletide Author,

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't wait to see my fic. You're awesome!

Here's what you need to know about me in general: I like happy endings. I don't like major character death, more hurt than comfort, or child abuse. I love AUs and crossovers. I like crack fic and plotty goodness and pr0n. I like kidnappings, mazes, linguistics and languages in general, math-y bits, psychic powers, superpowers, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, spaceships, pirates, aliens made them do it, mysteries, epic quests, daring escapes, tie tying, tattoos, sensitive necks, bondage, kickass women, BAMF guys, nerds, and people being competent.

I like slash, het, femslash, multi, and gen. I have a delicious account here for more ideas on what I like.

Tough Guide to Fantasyland - Diana Wynne Jones

Seriously, this one is your creative playground; I just want to see what someone can come up with for this. Do it in the style of further entries; make it all really meta; cross it over with another fandom; whatever. I am basically open to anything here, any pairing, any rating. Just have fun!



Okay, so if you've only seen the OAV and not the fairly hard to find manga, you know the Pincess Sheena character? She's not in the manga. Instead, it's Sasaki who tells Matsumoto that he has to either kill him or marry him. Yeah. Now you see why I want slash. They end up becoming very close friends in the manga. But! Wacky gen team hijinks or Matsumoto and Sasaki rivalry are also good. Please try to keep some of the silliness of the original, with the lame weapons and all of the sentai references.

Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones

So, back in the day (which was a Wednesday) I read mikeneko's Modus Vivendi and basically said "Eureka! Cat/Tonino 4-Eva!" (I had consumed a lot of sugar and alcohol that day.) Let me be clear here that I don't want anything explicit set during the books (after the books is fine), just something cute. Also, I totally understand if you can't write that, and if so I would love something Cat centered with interesting magic involved.

The Losers (2010)

Cougar/Jensen. So the way I usually work is I fall in love with a character. Then I choose a character (or, rarely, characters) that I think matches them the best. In this case, I love Jensen (glasses! smart! talkative! funny! really nice biceps!), and I think Cougar is his perfect match (quiet! patient! deadly! sexy!). But really I just want a kickass Jensen story. I have read (and loved) Jensen-turns-into-a-cat stories (yes, stories) and Jensen-saves-various-Losers-from-certain-death stories and Jensen-has-hot-sex-in-a-closet stories. I understand this is the Losers, so there will probably be some violence, and I'm fine with that so long as that isn't all there is to the story. This is a fandom where daring escapes would be really cool. Also, I really don't like the Jensen-was-abused-as-a-child stories. Not everyone needs an angsty backstory. (Oh, and if you want to crossover/AU/throw in cameos from any of Chris Evans's other roles, that's fine.)

This is, I am sure, far more information than you really care about. But if I did leave something out, please drop me a comment below. I have anonymous comments turned on. And happy Yuletiding!
not a pipe


OMG OMG Sherlock. Why is there not more fic of this yet? I loves me some Watson so much I just want to smush him. And Benedict Cumberbatch is obviously an alien...and oh! Martin Freeman played Arthur Dent, so of course that means Sherlock Holmes is Ford Prefect. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
not a pipe

(no subject)

So, yeah, I know I never post here.

Anyway, I am thinking of making a Korean style pulled pork sandwich tomorrow for dinner. Korean tacos are big, so why not do Korean barbecue to replace Southern barbecue. I've never been a big fan of most barbecue sauces, but I like bulgogi, so I will try heaping that on a bun with a kind of Asian seasoned coleslaw in a nod to kimchi. I think it will go well with the leftover chipotle scalloped sweet potatoes I made today. (Bobby Flay's recipe.)

I also made lemon mascarpone blondies, which possibly wasn't the best idea as I ended up with lots of leftover honey nut cupcakes from the meeting tonight, and with Mik gone and most of my neighbors currently on vacation, I don't have anyone to feed extras to. Well, I'm sure the dogs wouldn't mind, but they don't get to gorge on cupcakes.

I just started playing Persona 4. So far I find it different and fun; we'll see how I feel a few months down the line (I was going to say "game time", but knowing me, it could also be "real time").
not a pipe

Dear Yuletide Writer

Yay! It's Yuletide time! I'm totally gonna do it again this year after last year's whole marriage-moving-no time thing.

So, dear Yuletide Writer, here's what I like:

Things Wot I Like In a Story:

amnesia, kidnapping and the victim being smart about it, escaping, planning, mysteries, crimes (in a Ocean's 11 sort of way), cooking or eating, one person tying another person's tie, snarky/witty banter, the buddy cop dynamic, ensemble casts working as a team, tattoos, deviousness, tricky plots, HUMOR, people gaining magical powers, telepathy and/or other mind powers, cliches, crack fic, collars, someone being pushed/held against a wall, balances of power, disguises, pretending to be in a relationship turns into the real thing, languages, alternate universes, fairy tales, guys in suits, regency romances, slash, math, PEOPLE BEING SMART

Special Note on Crossovers:

I quite like crossovers (even of the “Oooh, is the limping grouchy guy who sits next to them on the bus House?” variety), but don't feel you have to write one. If you do decide to go that route, though, I'd prefer it be a crossover with a canon I know. Obviously that means any of the fandoms I listed as Yuletide choices. You can also check my and LJ tags for more ideas or leave an anonymous comment.

Special Note on Crack and Cliches:

You may have noticed that I have a lot of cliches listed in my Things Wot I Like. This is because I like most of them. Relatedly, I also really like crazy cracked out stories. This is not to say that I expect you to have to write either cliche or crack. BUT! If the mood hits you and an idea strikes, don't worry that I'll be turned off by craziness. Trust me, if I were, I would never have married.


You can use either the OAV or manga story and characters. I like to see some friendship (or more) between Matsumoto and Sasaki. I like all of the characters (but my special crush is Seki). I have a crazy theory that Shinesman Sepia is actually Seiichiro Aoki of X/1999, but that doesn't need to be mentioned in the story. I'd really like you to play up the humor, the crazy over-the-top dialogue, and the cracked scenarios they find themselves in.

Being Human:

I'd really like something that has all three of them (George, Annie, Mitchell) being together--whether romantically, sexually, or just friendship. I'd prefer quiet, domestic sorts of scenes for the story instead of adrenaline fueled action. A little bit of horror, pain, sadness or action is fine and probably even necessary, but I would like a happy ending.

Here is Greenwood:

You can use events from the anime or the manga, I've seen both. I like the mix of kooky scenarios and caring people. Mitsuru and Shinobu are my favorites, so I'd prefer if you focus more on them, but if that's not working then a group dynamic would also work. It can be as slashy (or not slashy) as you wish, but I'd love to see Shinobu being devious and a master planner--whether that's to get Hasukawa in trouble or Mitsuru to fall in love with him or anything else. A Shinobu-Nagisa showdown would be even better (see the kidnapping/mysteries/escapes/planning bits of Things Wot I Love above).

Steven Brust - Dragaeran Universe:

I really, really like Vlad and Loiosh and their snarky banter. I would prefer a gen story, preferably either a very small caper, a prequel or coda to one of the books, or just Vlad and his friends hanging out and exchanging sarcastic quips. I've read all of the books except for Athyra and Jhegaala and all I remember from Orca is the big secret, so I'd prefer if you don't use events from those three books. As Vlad is really big on food, you could also make this a story about cooking/food/eating. I would definitely not prefer a story about Vlad and Cawti's breakup--that almost made me quit reading the books.
not a pipe


So, since all of our friends over here will be busy with stuff for Halloween (like entertaining visiting relatives and taking care of brand new babies) and Frankenstein's castle is a three hour drive each way, we decided to stay in and have a scary movie marathon. Well, I decided and Mik agreed. I haven't watched a lot of scary movies--the spooky music used to freak me right out when I was a kid. I couldn't even watch the part at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. But I've gotten better, and it's more fun when there's someone there to hold your hand and snark at the characters with you.

So here's our list:
Let The Right One In
28 Days Later

I haven't seen any of them. Yes, I know you may all point and laugh. So, I'm thinking, should I work up to the scariest one or have something less spooky for right before bed? I mean, I'm optioning the right to pop in Young Frankenstein or Rocky Horror if I get too freaked out, but should I peak the horror earlier and then have a more calming resolution? And what order should they go in? I mean, from what I've heard Audition is the scariest, but are angry zombies scarier than a creepy alien? And what about kiddy vampires? Any advice?
not a pipe

Secrets of the Corporate World, REVEALED!

Okay, here's that thing I wrote up that I was talking about in the last post.

How Not to Get Hired

I work for a corporate recruiting firm. No, I'm not the fancy pants corporate recruiter; I'm just a mere lowly internet researcher. But! I *am* the first line of defense that all candidates must pass through before even being considered on the list for a job. I'm the one who weeds through the emails and resumes before passing them along to my bosses for further winnowing. And that's waaaay before the company ever even knows you're alive, much less calls you in for an interview.

First, you have to get past me.

[Insert horrible scary dragon pic]

I have, over the past couple of months, learned how to skim through the dozens of emails we get every day to figure out which ones are worth passing on and which are not. And, believe me, the vast majority are not.

Here's why you may not ever get that dream job:

1.The company already has a candidate (or two) whom they love, and now they no longer care about looking for more, no matter how wonderful your resume is. Or the company decided to go with another recruiting firm. Or they promoted internally. Or they decided the SVP's cousin's roommate's boyfriend was perfect for the job.

2.The company decided they can't really afford the position. Or that they want to wait before creating it. Or that they want to change the parameters of it. For some reason, the job does not technically exist anymore.

3.The company has some sort of weird restrictions on the position that we didn't/couldn't put in the ad. Maybe they don't want someone from the automotive industry. Maybe they only want people from Companies X,Y, and Z because they make similar products. Maybe they're willing to relocate if necessary but prefer someone local.

4.Your resume was unreadable due to formatting issues. Or, at least, difficult to read. If there are no spaces or it has three words on each line I'm not going to struggle through it. Whether you're attaching a file, including it in the body of the email, or uploading it to a website, double-check that people can read it easily. Otherwise it'll be deleted straight off the bat.

5.Similarly a plethora of typos in your resume and/or cover letter will cause me to chuck it. It makes you look unprofessional and can also come across as uneducated.

6.Your salary range is not in the range we're looking for. Not by a mile. If you're making $60K and it's a $120K job, I'm going to toss you aside. You probably either work at a much lower level or at a much smaller firm, and that means you don't have the experience we need. Conversely, if you're an EVP making $175K, you're not likely to accept a manager position at $85K.

7.Your salary range is huge: over a $100,000 spread. If you say that you want a salary between $75,000 and $200,000, I'm going to assume that the low end is what you're expecting—and possibly more than you're worth. You should know how much people with your job (or desired job) are making. Unrealistic estimates of your own worth make me think that you're exaggerating on the rest of your resume.

8.Unprofessional cover letters. Yes, it's email. No, that does not mean that you should include emoticons, multiple exclamation points, chatspeak, or most sigs. Please, type something in your cover letter, but make it brief and professional.

9.Filling your cover letter and resume up with significant quotations, business mantras, buzzwords, and multiple paragraphs about your corporate philosophy. I just need to know the basics about your experience and education here. The harder you make it for me, the less likely I'll persevere. Also, it comes across as pretentious filler to make up for a weak resume.

10.Similarly, I don't need to know all about your personal life. Languages spoken, time spent living and working in foreign countries, and professional organizations joined are informative to me. Knowing that you are blonde, have a golden retriever named Bruce, and enjoy watching foreign films are not. While they may tell me more about you as a person, these details are more suited for phone interviews with the recruiter.

11.Excessive job movement. Most companies prefer at least two years at each company; some prefer longer than that. Obviously, that's not always possible due to moves, company reorganizations, bankruptcies, etc. If so, a line in the resume telling why you left the job is helpful. Of course, if you haven't lasted longer than a year with any company for the past ten years, then no excuse will probably be good enough for them to hire you.

12.Similarly, long stretches of time unemployed. This again depends on the circumstances: economic conditions, pregnancy, relocation, family illnesses, etc. should all be noted on the resume. But if you've been out of work for several years, don't be surprised if a company is leery. You won't know all the new technology, processes, or companies, and you might be tempted to take a long-term hiatus again.

13.Your cover letter says that you're a perfect fit for the job! But your resume doesn't really show how. Maybe what you say is true and you do have experience purchasing motors or setting up company blogs. But if you're using StandardCindySmithResume.doc for every position you apply to, it may simply say that you worked at Jones Company for three years and reduced the budget by $50,000. Somewhere (in the cover letter or resume or both) you need to highlight the specific parts of your previous jobs that apply to the position you're seeking. Mentioning “While at Jones Company I purchased refrigerator motors for 100,000 units each year” or “I started and maintained the company blog for Jones Company, which can be seen here” makes my job much easier—and your chances much higher.

14.You obviously didn't even glance at the job posting before you sent in your application. If we're looking for a National Account Manager for a tool company, and you send in a resume with your most senior position being assistant store manager at McDonald's, I will trash your resume. These aren't entry-level jobs. Stop wasting my time.

15.You don't match the requirements for the job. Period. I don't think we've ever had more than ten requirements for a job (usually more like five), and they are all very straightforward. There is generally some leniency for education if you don't have the level of degree stated or one in a different field, but only if you have the experience necessary. If we say you need five years experience, don't come at me with three. And again, if it's not immediately clear on your resume how you qualify for each requirement, PUT IT IN THE COVER LETTER. I get a ton of emails from people who don't meet the requirements. Unless you want me to lump you in with them, make sure I know why you do you meet them. You can even put them in a list. I will love you for it and forward your email to my boss immediately.

The bottom line here is that the company is spending quite a bit of money hiring us to make sure they get the best possible person they can hire. Sure, you might be able to handle the job even if you don't meet all of the requirements, but if they have to spend extra money and time to train you in all of the aspects of the position and industry, they're wasting money and we look bad.

So the next time you send in an application and never hear anything back, you can grumble about the economy, but don't forget that it's not all the politicians' fault. Some of it's me. ;)
not a pipe


So I work for a corporate recruiting firm now as an internet researcher and sometimes it has its perks. Like unintentionally humorous resumes and cover letters. Ah, my pedantic side exults in its feeling of POWER as I hit the 'Delete' key.

In response to the job you have posted on ______ I have taken the liberty of submitting my resume for your consideration. I am confident my experience centers on all aspects of pertaining to projects (whaaaat? is this English?), interacting with individuals of all capacities (i.e. I know how to talk to people), and ability to produce high-quality materials on a timely basis which could provide much value and benefit to your company. I would like to meet with you, face-to-face, and further substantiate my claims. <--I live in Germany now. If you want to fly here to talk with me about this job opening though, feel free to go ahead.

As Marketing Coordinator, I was consistently energized with the opportunities to advance my skills in overcoming promotional boundaries.
What are "promotional boundaries"? Are they like country boundaries? Do they have border patrol cops and electric fences? Is that why he's "energized"? I personally designed all print media flyers, banners, brochures etc. I provided vendor literature support to the sales staff, ordered a variety of promotional products, assisted with monthly sales meetings and year end award programs and reconfigured and maintained the company’s web site amongst many other skills.

If you would please take a look at my attached resume, you'll see listed some of my many strengths,
(Bad comma! No cookie!) and qualifications I have for the desired position in which you are offering. My extensive experience with print media, (Arrrrgh! Too many useless commas!) and magazine ad designs began to sharpen my eye, by proofreading countless materials prior to going on press. MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS. HE SAYS HE HAS "SHARPENED HIS EYE" FOR PROOFREADING. HA HA HA. NO.

My background has afforded me many "intangible" qualifications one can't learn from a book.
(What "tangible" qualifications do you learn from a book? Other than that you now presumably own the book.) I ask for a few minutes of your time, so we can further explore the contribution I could bring to your company. Please contact me at _______ to arrange a time. I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate the opportunity to apply and be considered for this position.


XXXXXX's good to be a grammar nerd.
Bree feels badly


I may be working on a Merlin-as-a-girl manip. Rough draft below.
Collapse )In other news, I finally found two books today that I've been searching for for years. I couldn't remember their names, just a few details about how creepy I found them as a kid. And then at B&N today I found the author I thought might be right and flipped through the omnibus edition and found them! John Bellairs, "The Mummy, The Will, and The Crypt" and "The Spell of the Sorcerer's Skull". I now have some awesome childhood memories to resurrect.